mmmmmmmmmmmm, arsenic laces.....

no not arsenic laced somthing much more evil.just one bite of the candy and they'll become mindless zombies.

Pass... if you look closer, what they're selling is a "Megadeth Boxed Set," and I've already got a few of their albums.
Keep looking... try using some different keywords.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCKRoJG5eM
mindless zombies!!!!

Fester, do you want to work this idea of a candy store or should I?




But how can we have mindless zombies if she's not there?

Alright, how come no-one told me about her?

<enters stage right, this time ( felt like a change , tho this will screw with your spatial conceptualizing. ), still laughing maniacally, running...> hahahaha <stops dead; looks at dezi still being sultry; grooves to the zombies for a bit, then...> hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaetc....<exits stage left, looking over shoulder at dezi still standing, still being sultry; runs into obstruction; laughter track is heard >

Alright, people, meeting come-to-order.

Okay, the mind-controlling candy idea is a good one, in my book.
Mindless zombie minions are very low-maintenance, they don't organize unions in your lair, you can feed them Purina Human Chow... good labor pool.
Problem I see is that we will either need to come up with some kind of truly fantastic candy to use as the vector (which can get prohibitively expensive), or we can use cheap chewing gum and market it with some kind of collectable card game packs to establish a solid "customer base" quickly.

And if that guy's gonna keep dashing back-and-forth through the lair, laughing maniacally, somebody hand him the sandwich-order for the deli down the street. Let him dash down there, laughing maniacally, and bring me back a pastrami-&-swiss on rye with a pickle spear, willya'?

Now..... I know its an idea which has been done to death, but how about an evil carnival? I mean, we've already got doom laden popcorn, some kind of (manical) 'running' entertainment, and now candy. Also, the zombies would blend in. We could keep them in the haunted house or the ghost train..... and we could finance our nefarious plans withy devilish ring toss, unwinnable by the pure of heart. Alternatively, we could supply evil candy with our new evil magazine, titled Modern Henchperson Today, found in all good shops... or so they tell me.

Re megadeath, yes, ebay really pulled the wool over my eyes. Don't worry though, I sent some angry mutant gibbons to take out the seller. Oh, and do we need more shackles? I was looking for something to chain up the Prime Minister of Trinidad (but not Tobago) yesterday, and in the end I just had to make him promise to sit perfectly still in the lair's kitchen. It was so humiliating. We ended up playing canasta and talking about our childhoods....... In the end I just let him go, so thats my ransom target down the drain for this quater.

Humanbean, purina human chow isn't organic, and as we already have a massively evil carbon footprint (its cloven), we should probably buy some of that stuff which doesn't travel far from producer to table (or trough for the zombies). Try and get fairtrade.

I'd kill for a Pastrami and swiss on rye! * Goes back to doing her nails, now looks coy*

Look, I don't care what we feed the zombies, or how big our carbon footprint is, I just want my danged pastrami, is all.
Is that too much to ask? Where the heck is that guy?

Talk to Vlad down in Procurement, if you're so keen on getting local-purchase kibble for the minions. Maybe he can get us some kind of bargain... just make sure he doesn't try to sell you on his 'Soylent Green' idea. Sure, it's evil enough, alright, but you know how much that stuff costs per pallet-load? Purina Human Chow is cheaper when you factor in the bulk shipping rates.

Carnival... hmm... anybody else care to brainstorm on that theme?
(Hmm... that nail-file looks suspiciously sharp...)

It seems like I will be building an evil corporation with its own army. All of you seem qualified to be in it. Let me hear your most evil idea's now

* polishes nails, looks demure*

Okay, I talked with Boris down in R&D, and he says the Sonic Brain Scrambler is nearly complete, and they're getting really good results so far, but the best they've seen is from using Avril Lavigne for the source audio, and I don't like her asking price.

Doesn't she have a boyfriend or a dog or something we could kidnap for leverage?

ummm, I'll take her out, no charge!...heh heh heh

Not so enthusiastically as you did the last one, please?
Remember, the creator put her on this earth with a specific number of holes in her body... please bring her to us without adding any new ones of your own devising, 'kay?

Alright, since we've got that base covered, there's still some contention about the lackey's uniforms and weapons. I can get us a good bulk-purchase deal on black-&-purple jumpsuits for the elite guards, and the zombie hordes can just wear whatever they came in, but if you're still looking to equip the zombies with crowbars and fire axes like we originally talked about in the last meeting... well... that means the best we'll be able to equip the elites with is surplus Thompson submachineguns... with straight magazines, not the 50-round drum ones.

I say we arm the zombies with cricket-bats, and the elites get MP-5's like we had planned.

Okay, I've given up on my pastrami... don't we at-least have some donuts left from this morning?

I thought the boyfriend was the dog? Anyway, I'll ask Sergei and Ivan (generic russian henchpersons- finest in the world I swear) to take Sénor Wufflebunch into custody.
I talked to Vlad, and he seemed really snippy, very 'ideas above his station' attitude. So I let him go (into a volcano). The new guy has alot of good ideas- apparently, pound for pound, it's cheaper for us to just buy bulk shipments of Whale Chow from the Japanese (The authentic taste of Moby %&$! on your plate), and just throw some femurs in there to make the zombies think its human. I agree, what was I thinking with the carbon footprint thing...... my evil was clearly not firing on all cylinders.

Oh, and by the way, the applied biomechanics department say that we aren't going to see the first specimens of the giant crabs with scorpion tails and snake fags till at least september. However, they are reporting that the koalas with petrification lazers installed should be ready for project takeoverfiji, if thats still on.


ooh, just read the other posts- i'd still like a new pet though.


we only have tofu donuts left, sorry

That's it. Donut-boy goes into the volcano next.

Okay, who's got the report on the Fiji project?

I'll get her, but can she fall down accidentily a few times, and then I trip and kick her? yes!

Glad I'm not running the donut stand.

What happened to the speaking of a Lunar colony? We'd have the high ground. It would cost Earth a ton to send troops up via spaceship. And we could discover the greatness of minimal gravity.

Also if we somehow develop a teleportation system, we would not need to worry about transport of supplies for the pre-self sufficient stage of colonization. After we get an atmoshpere and some plants growing, we would theoretically not need to go to earth for supplies. That is excluding necessities like explosives, weaponry, and chocolate.

Oh, Dezdimona, cyanide does not create holes in things, but maybe a lesser anesthetic would be better.

humanbean meant my nail file, I think...or my finger nails...they are sharp!!!

Right.... I think we might need to have an earth base first, cause it's going to be really hard to kidnap Cape Canavral without several people noticing. Does Luxembourg have a space center? We could probably take the Luxembourgians, as long as nobody else gets involved. Ooh. ooh I know, we could take over Krispy-Kremeopolis ( formerly the Virgin Islands), thus ensuring a constant supply of donutty goodness (although we will need to build a gym, for certain).

We might need to advertise if we are going to start a lunar colony, though. Also, Humanbean, does the budget this year have a spare 45 billion floating around, because unless we want a spaceship made of cardboard and tofudonuts we may need to make some cuts...... i'll tell r and d to shelve the time machine plans..........

why don't we just steal a spaceship? it would be alot easier than building one.also how about giving the candy away for free and then have the zombies rob every bank they can find?

i like it...... but are you sure we can make zombies understand what a bank is? And i dont know how we can get them to get cash out......... I imagine that they'll just eat it, or spend it very irresposibly, on fairydust and starshine an brains.

we'll load the zombies into a van, drive them to a bank and then let them loose.after they are done eating everbody we'll go into the bank and take everything that isn't nailed down. how does that sound?

mmmmkay. But I think we'll need some kind of control device over the zombies, don't want them eating us really. Now..... pick a city with big banks and poor history of coping with zombies. Don't say Racoon City. Really.

Fester, I'm scared. This Josh fellow is making to much sense. First stealing spaceships, now this. I'm not sure I can handle it.

Why not Racoon City? Do the residents have rabies?

Look... we've already discussed the Lunar Base idea, and I thought we'd shelved that already. R&D established that our scheme to steal the planet's oxygen and hold it for ransom was impractical, mostly due to the fact that suffocating people can't pay you any money.

The Time-Machine budget stays where it is. (It's not like we're actually researching a time machine... it's more of a slush-fund. Remember last year's Christmas Party? I ran that out of the time-machine budget, and was able to get us a tax write-off for it, no less.)

Can't you people come up with anything short-term evil, for the fiscal quarter? I'm almost ready to suggest we just grab our own personal weapons, head down the street to the delicatessen, and work on holding the counter-girl for ransom until we get some decent sandwiches.

Christ... it's not easy to be evil when my blood-sugar's dipping this low.
Where the heck is that guy?

wow,that was a great pastrami and swiss on rye, but I just know I forgot to do something!

We could plant a nuke in the San andreas fault and threaten to blast the west coast into the ocean. It's not like it would actually work, but people are so gullible that we're bound to make some cash for grander evil schemes in the future. We don't even have to use a real bomb, and we could collect pretty quickly.

zombie outbreak in tokyo? think of how many zombies we would have after that!! is it okay to experamint on the zombies? i have an idea

You.... you... ate... my sandwich?

MY sandwich?!?!?!

Alright... your new codename is now "Krakatoa', lady, 'cause right now, there's a volcano out there with your name on it.


Excuse me for a moment... (*stands, departs ULC*)

This thread seems to going nicely, but now I need to appoint heads of certain departments.

Science
Weapons development
Product
Energy
Building
Research
Occult
Inquistion
Military
Space Department
Minion life style
Supplys
Communication
Food

A short term goal for the fiscal year woul be taking over a small country or creating one of our own. That or taking over Nunavut or building an evil bar

I forgot Medical and Urban Development

And josh you can experiment on the zombies its not like they are human

(returns, wiping his mouth with a napkin, takes seat)

Okay, I'm back... what'd I miss?

Oh....

Boss has put out another memo... hmm...

By his definition, I'm technically Supply, but I'd prefer to title it "Finance and Logistics," since I'm doing double-duty, here...

(Hmm... probably just be better to put my title up above the door, and if the boss asks, insist that he's the one who thought of it. Last guy who directly questioned the boss got that laser-in-the-walking-cane treatment... hmm... where's my Maalox? That pizza is already starting to talk back to me...)

it seems that Humanbean brought up one of the most important heads of the business

So he is in charge of Finance and Logistics.

<enters stage left, not being able to cope with spatially conceptualized disorientation, and the pain of a broken nose, now covered in a large metal brace, and blood stained bandage made of best NHS ( National Health Service, for those evil ones not resident in the UK ) recycled post bag canvas; carries a large brown paper bag, with a nasty looking oil stain ...staining the bottom of it; panting from some kind of unexpected exertion; laughing maniacally, though somewhat nasally...> mamamamamama <stops dead; gazes longingly at dezi looking not only sultry, but now coy, the other thing, and satisfied; stands gazing rather too long; bottom of greasy brown paper bag oozes open; contents spill onto floor; looks aghast for a moment, then remembers the generally evil intent of the denizens of this fell place; recommences running, and maniacal laughing, nasally...after first offering an apology > sommy...mearest sammich stamd shut dowm...did mmy best though...sommy...mamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamaetc...<exits stage left, due to terror induced confusion; will suffer anguish of guilt at not completing required logical transverse of page; wonders momentarily if anything can be said to have been transversed; likes 'transverse' as a word; decides that that is where the anguish of guilt will indeed be concentrated; but knows that the evil ones will not care; sound of dustbins being collided with; more laughter track is heard...over nasal scream of intense pain...>

we need to get lockable doors.

I'll do occult and snackfoods (which I noticed you left out) if I can have joint ownership of that with rhs88 (where would we be without his popcorn?). Right, I'm off to refresh my knowledge of the Necronomicon, and dust off my ouija board..... Also, humanbean, short term evil- we could steal one of the olympic rings, that would totally muck up all their logos!

Racoon City is okay (barring the mass zombie thingermajiger), but everyone is so rude. Sooner bite you as look at you, and poor transport links. And it seems to be frequently bombed by the government.....

I'll be head of poisons, and just plain 'looking good'....are thongs optional wear?

I still think I forgot someone or something...wheres my tanning lotion?

Yes they are dezi, so it seems youll be in charge of chemical warfare? I my have to visit that part of the company to see the progress.

good,then you can put lotion on my back, ummm sun tan lotion...ha ha!

I would be more than honored than to do that for you.

cool *hands Necromancer the lotion*, remember hands above the waist!

Whatever you say

And everyone can start calling me Garrett if they want to.

ok, thats much nicer than necromancer, ummm, you did warm up your hands right?

Yes my hands are warm

Hmmm... (inspects the mess left on the floor)... no terrific loss. That's muenster, not swiss.

Well, you needn't worry about the volcano thing, lady. Once I'd gotten the pizza, I calmed down a bit, though I did have a bit of fun at your expense... You know that jet-powered motorcycle you were so fond of for speedy getaways? The one with the remote controls? The one you used to own?

I traded it to the pizza kid for his Vespa. He seemed really thrilled with it.
At least, up until the point where I had the operator take control of the cycle, and steer it full-throttle into the wall of the delicatessen. You should see the film-footage... it's a hoot.
But since I'd paid for the pizza with my credit-card, and the receipt was destroyed when the cycle's fuel tank ruptured...

Your new Vespa is currently down in the garage... the mechanics are still trying to figure out how to fit it with a nitrous oxide kit.

cool,cause I feel the need, the need for speed.......
Muenster...thats in Indiana right?...you can't put that on a sandwich...I'm not blonde you know!
Am I burning?,the sun is very warm today!

Good news everyone! Ive found out a brilliant way to fund our evil organization. It seems alchemist in the middle ages were right about creating gold from lead but didnt have the right technology. It seems that you can make lead into gold simply by adding protons, neutrons, and electrons to the lead's atomic structure until it matches gold.

Your not burning either, dezi

I applied the sun tan lotion like you told me

Well, this will make my job a bit easier.
(Man, am I glad I'm not the Science guy... if he screws this project up, or runs past a deadline, it's volcano time for him.)