you just proofed her there!

Em, people, you know, that quotation in quotation in quotation and so on thing generally makes little sense.

why?

we make little sense anyway!

Col John Sheppard

...heh......she wishes....

I could give a rats arse about wishes.

i could give a rats arse about not wishing

Col John Sheppard

tyreil829, is there a need to adopt a new name for your signature every time you change a game?

nope there isnt really John will be my last change for a while not a problem is it?

Col John Sheppard

I could give a rats arse that its supposed to rain today!

i could give a rats arse that its sunny today!

Col John Sheppard

Rain whats thats...ehhh...I do give a rats arse that the likelihood of rain here, is more likely than not..on any given day, and could change at any given moment...Chances are it will change, and will rain......and not likey to stop till next season...Boat ride anyone....

Fascinating and sad and humorous posts...A topic whose title led me to believe the posts within would be of a humorous
nature.However i quickly learned it was about pain and the power of words.Agreements were made on how repugnant
the word hate is and of what cruel memories it invokes.I agree that words spoken without empathy are like arrows that can penetrate straight to the heart of one that is suffering.
There are some that feel that giving up hate would be like saying that the cruelty they endured was of no significance.
Or that it would make life less real. All are valid viewpoints,it seems to me.I don't like hating because
it caused more harm to me than healing.Hate seems to bring even more harm to the sufferer for it tends to harden
the heart.That's just my point of view "today".I was a victim of another's hatred as well and as often happens
they passed on their hatred to me.I hated this person for what they did to me for thirty some years.Well,i became a drug addict and alcoholic.That's how i dealt with it.I'm 57 now and have only two years of freedom from drugs and alcohol.It seems as if i had to give up hating that person to stop punishing myself.Don't know if that makes any sense.
However i know that my solution,if indeed it is one,(only time will tell)is not the solution for everyone.We all have to deal with life's blows differently.We could try to see,tho, that pain is our common ground and that the power of words doesn't need to become a device to separate those that suffer.
Aeryn333 i understand what you mean when you say that words like hate affect you.I hope you find a way to heal from
what you've endured.
Michlo,your hurt and anger is a valid response to your nephews lack of empathy.I hope that one day you two will patch
things up for it seems you care for him deeply.
Myrmaad,what you went through was,without a doubt,horrendous.It was painful just reading your words.I can see
very well how you wouldn't want to give up the hate you feel.
Timihendrix91,it was obvious to me that you were taken aback by the affect your post had.I know your regret for the hurt it caused was genuine.Good on ya,bro.
I felt as if i had to post,don't know why really.Maybe i needed to.Perhaps to further my own healing.Life can be so very confusing.I know,no one probably gives a rats arse but its been real.Peace all..

I do or don't give a rats arse...so many misunderstand that bit of colloquialism I have stop trying to explain..but its all good...

I will say this much..here in Eire..It can mean sometimes I care about those things, and they get me down, and sometimes, I don't, and i can deal, but need to share it.. and sometimes it just means what it is, depends here on circusmtances and whats being said.. venting can be a good thing, not just a bad one, venting can mean needed flights of fancy, seeming flights of 'craziness' is also another kind of venting that one needs at times, humour can get us through the insanities about us, with allitle venting flights, as you have seen, as well as baring ones soul, or just ones everyday flies that bug us..and we just need to say..Its a topic that offered freedom, for all kind of venting, as you can see..and that is a good thing..free of hate..

I am touched you took the time to read it all, and take it in...We are of similar ages, and I feel for you, and hope your healing continues also..la
Thanks for your wishes, mostly I am Ok..I still wake sometimes, feeling me Da's head in me arms, sometimes i still feel the blood on my hands, after a nightmare, that i cannot wash off.. and then the atrocities that happened to me after, all because of what we stood for, who we were and were hated for it.. that will be with me for a lifetime..thus why the word hate can so effect me, and I want nothing to do with even casual usage of it, for there is nothing causal about the words I hate..not to me..I tried here once to fit in, and realised I cannot use them, and maintain my integrity to what i believe ,so had to stop and create this place, yet judge no-one who feels they can, for they do not perhaps have the marks I do on me, to feel what i do when I see those words..everyone is different..

We can heal, but crimes of hate, leave their mark, that even in the healing can be triggered by seemingly harmless words by another...
Like you I ran the gamut of escapes, to no avail..drugs alcohol, and realised there are none..None that will wipe out that day..me Grans was me sanity and when she passed I lost it for awhile..a near death experience turned me life around,on that day i knew hate had no place in my life, it was killing me..

We all have allot to heal here in Ireland, even in our victory we are a country still of wounded people..the loses, the autrocities, to family and freinds, the things we felt we had to do for our freedom even, haunt many of us..and are hard forgotten, but forgiveness is the key..

I can't say I have love for Dubliners, or they, we Corkians, but I can tolerate them a whole lot better than I once did..Sínead O'Connor helped me allot with her music with that one..she being a Dubliner..I love that rebel, her and I are allot alike in many ways..right down to our haircut.. That helped my healing process about that ould resentment for them, in many ways..in the light of today..

As for the past Dubliners that did that terrible deeds, to Us, to me DA, to me, does not mean all are the same...yet our history between our two respective counties.. is a difficult one, and may take a long time healing..

Years of therapy have put it behind me, but I now know triggers exist and I must learn how to avoid them..such is the joy of PTSD..

What I did learn is I cannot abide by the word hate, or the energies it produces, and am glad to hear another say the same..

Ta for you kind words and your sharing, may your healing continue also...la
As we say here, go raibh maith agat (many thank yous) for your thoughtful open honest post, you were heard, and again thank you for hearing me..

Ta mate..
Slán
Aeryn

gandalf i would be honored if you would add me as your freind on the nexus from your posts i can see you have great wisdom

Col John Sheppard

Gandalf, you kind spirit, I am honored that you posted.

I sit here, right this moment, on pins and needles having just had a veritable panic attack but all is ok now, and this is why: my niece I love dearly, 34 years old, has struggled with a terrible addiction since she was in her teens. She came to live with me at 21, as she was abandoned by her mother (my mentally ill sister) and by my aunt, who promised my father she'd care for her, but turned her over to the state when she was 14. When I realized I was powerless against her addiction, that she was going to jail right after having her first baby, and that my own marriage and sanity was going down as she drug me down with her, I had to let go and put some distance between us in spite of how much I love her. She has been to prison three times. Nothing could rescue her from the powerful demon of addiction that possessed her.

But then, 4 years ago a man came into her life, a man as old as my husband, who has looked out for her, who cared for their newborn throughout her last imprisonment, who waited for her, and who has never ceased loving in spite of everything, and there were many horrible mistakes she made. Recently she found her way back into my life, and has allowed me, once again, to inspire her, and in return she inspires me! Because JUST NOW she was accepted into college and granted financial aid !!!! (JUST NOW!) so that she can study to become a social worker. The college where she is enrolled I attended myself, and they have an accelerated 5 year program where after your 4yr degree in Social Work, you can be granted a Master's Degree in Social work in one more year.

I can hardly believe that after all these years she is finally winning the battle against her illness, and she is determined to succeed. She's always had such great potential and if you could just see the change in her!

Anyway I'm very happy and grateful.


But back to the subject, I do want to assure you all, that I don't nurse that old wound, it's over, it's done, it's behind me. If I think about it too much I do feel some anger and pain well up, but life is too short to allow negativity to rule the day. And I truly believe it is never too late to make a change. I also believe that our scars become our stars, they make us deeper, more real, more honest, more astute, more insightful. I wouldn't trade my life with all of its tragedies for anyone else's because while I have been to dark dark depths, they have only made the ascent to life's pinnacles more sweet.

we all have things we want to put behind... everyone...

Col John Sheppard

[/quote] I do or don't give a rats arse...so many misunderstand that bit of colloquialism I have stop trying to explain..but its all good...

I will say this much..here in Eire..It can mean sometimes I care about those things, and they get me down, and sometimes, I don't, and i can deal, but need to share it.. and sometimes it just means what it is, depends here on circusmtances and whats being said.. venting can be a good thing, not just a bad one, venting can mean needed flights of fancy, seeming flights of 'craziness' is also another kind of venting that one needs at times, humour can get us through the insanities about us, with allitle venting flights, as you have seen, as well as baring ones soul, or just ones everyday flies that bug us..and we just need to say..Its a topic that offered freedom, for all kind of venting, as you can see..and that is a good thing..free of hate..

I am touched you took the time to read it all, and take it in...We are of similar ages, and I feel for you, and hope your healing continues also..la
Thanks for your wishes, mostly I am Ok..I still wake sometimes, feeling me Da's head in me arms, sometimes i still feel the blood on my hands, after a nightmare, that i cannot wash off.. and then the atrocities that happened to me after, all because of what we stood for, who we were and were hated for it.. that will be with me for a lifetime..thus why the word hate can so effect me, and I want nothing to do with even casual usage of it, for there is nothing causal about the words I hate..not to me..I tried here once to fit in, and realised I cannot use them, and maintain my integrity to what i believe ,so had to stop and create this place, yet judge no-one who feels they can, for they do not perhaps have the marks I do on me, to feel what i do when I see those words..everyone is different..

We can heal, but crimes of hate, leave their mark, that even in the healing can be triggered by seemingly harmless words by another...
Like you I ran the gamut of escapes, to no avail..drugs alcohol, and realised there are none..None that will wipe out that day..me Grans was me sanity and when she passed I lost it for awhile..a near death experience turned me life around,on that day i knew hate had no place in my life, it was killing me..

We all have allot to heal here in Ireland, even in our victory we are a country still of wounded people..the loses, the autrocities, to family and freinds, the things we felt we had to do for our freedom even, haunt many of us..and are hard forgotten, but forgiveness is the key..

I can't say I have love for Dubliners, or they, we Corkians, but I can tolerate them a whole lot better than I once did..Sínead O'Connor helped me allot with her music with that one..she being a Dubliner..I love that rebel, her and I are allot alike in many ways..right down to our haircut.. That helped my healing process about that ould resentment for them, in many ways..in the light of today..

As for the past Dubliners that did that terrible deeds, to Us, to me DA, to me, does not mean all are the same...yet our history between our two respective counties.. is a difficult one, and may take a long time healing..

Years of therapy have put it behind me, but I now know triggers exist and I must learn how to avoid them..such is the joy of PTSD..

What I did learn is I cannot abide by the word hate, or the energies it produces, and am glad to hear another say the same..

Ta for you kind words and your sharing, may your healing continue also...la
As we say here, go raibh maith agat (many thank yous) for your thoughtful open honest post, you were heard, and again thank you for hearing me..

Ta mate..
Slán
Aeryn
[/quote]

Thank you as well and you're quite welcome.Another reason the title caught my eye was because my step-Dad used
that phrase all the time to describe all kinds of emotions.He was of Irish decent,Dennis Murphy,his father was from County Cork.Mostly he used it humorously tho many times i could tell he wa quite upset when he used it.Another phrase
he used was ,"May the good Lord take a liken to ya."Which always used to crack me up because he would say it to
friends or foes.If someone irritated him it was,"Well,may the good Lord take a liken to ya."then he'd just leave them
standing there.I lost it when he died too.Went on a six year binge.I was there when he died,held his hand as he passed
away.He tried to say something to me but i couldn't understand him and that has haunted me ever since.
Venting is good,something i had to get used to doing for i tend to keep things inside.If fact my step-Dad used to say,"Ya
gottta get it off your chest cause it'll just eat ya up inside."LOL Another thing he used to say,"Never apologize,no sense
in chewing the same cud twice."Don't quite agree with that one but i suppose that sometimes it is better to leave it go.
It bothers me too when people use the word hate so casually.It's really annoying when i catch myself saying it.Which
i sometimes do,however, i correct myself in mid sentence.
Well,i hear thunder in the background so i'd better be off.Been raining but i could give a rats arse.: )
Again, it's been real.Peace...

Myrmaad,What a wonderful day you must be having!Your post gave me goose-bumps lol just reading it.You must be so
very proud.

Quote,Myrmaad
But back to the subject, I do want to assure you all, that I don't nurse that old wound, it's over, it's done, it's behind me. If I think about it too much I do feel some anger and pain well up, but life is too short to allow negativity to rule the day. And I truly believe it is never too late to make a change. I also believe that our scars become our stars, they make us deeper, more real, more honest, more astute, more insightful. I wouldn't trade my life with all of its tragedies for anyone else's because while I have been to dark dark depths, they have only made the ascent to life's pinnacles more sweet.



And today is one of life's pinnacles for you and your niece.Splendid!So wonderful to hear,thank you for brighting my day.
Peace to you.

tyreil829,Thank you i would be honored.However i'm not quite sure how to do that.Forums are
new to me.I've had a comp since 1995 but i've tended to shy away from forums.Now that i see
what i've been missing,i can't fathom why i've waited so long.Could you tell me how that's done?

I'm so happy to read so much good coming out of so much bad. Drugs and alcohol are cunning,baffleing and powerful,and are always at the ready to take you over,may whatever god or power you believe in keep you all safe and well.love you all...Dezi

Failte..(your welcome) County Cork eh, well then, la, thats where I am..Aye as I said that does depend on whom, with whom and circumstances, and how said to capture its true essence..
Its good to voice some of the things to you, outloud without being triggred with memory this time,that was good, TA for that..and for your sharing..

Familiar with the sayings..Aye when we say, I will ya, at the end of a sentence, it really means when hell freezes over I will..Or in me hat I will..Grans also say get it out, before it eats you from the inside out la..

Venting or sharing, is good in a safe place, doesn't mean dwelling means sharing, and that can make another person feel comfortable..knowing they are unalone,and can say outloud those things usually hidden..
Tis good for the soul she'd say..to have a good s-h-i-t-e with those that care enough they pay no notice to the smell...That one made me laugh all the time..
When me Grans was angry with me, she'd say, well you have got somethin' ta say fer urself.., or ya just lookin' at me waiting on a bus..that meant big trouble..lol

Or just that ya...Like it depends on the person, as you know, sure I will ya...we oft mean the opposite of what we say here..We been told Corkian dialect is just impossible for most to understand like..

Tis been real, for sure la..
Slán go fóill
Aeryn

Ah but myrmadd here it is the subject, to share, to console..to be....that you are happy and grateful is good..Tis the power of love, when given to us, it can work miracles in others as I am sure yours did for her..la

As for the rest tis true innit...scars into stars, aye I like that..

Dezi...you big hearted soul you, you care for all, I could hug you..why is there not huggy smileys..

Cheers

I could give a rats arse about most drinks...except iced sweet tea...I go through about 3 gallons a day. Quenches thirst better IMO. I guess it's a southern US thing(Mississippi, the 3rd world state)

One of my cats mutilated one so i guess I've a rat's arse to spare for the day.

Thank you all for you kind words and support. I can't help it, I'm crying happy tears. I tried to follow her down that path, but I was able to drag myself out of there. Did you ever see that movie, "What Dreams May Come"? You may understand me.

I've told her five times today how proud I am of her. We've been through the emotional wringer while we were waiting to get the "good word". you just wouldn't believe.


But anyway, I wanted to share a poem that tells how far I've come, myself. Sharing/Baring this poem though is like bleeding truth. I usually can't bear to share it. know you've won my trust.

we all are careing souls we all look out for one another its part of freinds people i respect not only earn my Freindship( Dezi Myaarad Aeryn Chesto Conan_Lon Gandalf ) but my trust one is broken can be reforged and so can my trust

i can only speak for myself from the heart that i have love and respect you all and im honored that you respect me

Col John Sheppard

Ah as we call it here in Eire bardic words of tragic beauty..When I find where I put me stuff I written we had a flood here,, and things got in boxes, and still I know not where things are.I share with you, one of my prose ,that speaks in volumes also..when I find them for now you'll have to settle for the Bardic cleansing rain from my heart of knowing..

Aye well our blood the ink, that falls upon blanks cheeks of yellow or white..as our hearts pen spills the contents of its climb up the caverns walls...the slippery well where one falls, and hands skinned and torn, scratch upward towards the light, as mocking sounds in darkness laugh at the tying..until..hands reach from the darkness, and speak in soundless words..that only can be heard in the heart of hearts..Come..I am here..

Go raibh mile maith agat...( a thousand thank yous) for sharing and trusting..

Ta...well said, well said..mo chara..(my freind)

tyreil...like wise mate...

One more edit...Whay Dreams May Come I believe is the closest to how it is when we cross over thats ever been produced..We paint our Todays into our Tmrs..

the poem is quite touching and if im right a warning i must think it took some courage to share what you been though with us im not very good with words and i probly never will but i hope things will be back to nomail

Col John Sheppard

It is easy to be human. It is hard to be humane. — This is translated from a Filipino proverb

Depression is very much like falling into a deep pit.A place where all the tragic experiences of
ones life are.It's as if the memories are suffocating you and eventually you just have to find a
way out.There is hope in your poem too,at the end,hope,but no guarantee.Moving..

Aeryn,
"Tis good for the soul she'd say..to have a good s-h-i-t-e with those that care enough they pay no notice to the smell..."

Love this quote,you would indeed have to be a friend to not notice.What a colorful way to put it.
The prose you recited was very profound as well.It eloquently speaks to what the presence of
another caring soul can do for one.Hands reaching from the darkness,wonderful...

Everyone have a good one and peace to all.

What I Am - Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians

I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean
Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box
Religion is the smile on a dog
I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean, d-do ya?

Choke me in the shallow waters
Before I get too deep

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what you are?

Oh, I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean
Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks
Religion is a light in the fog
I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean, d-do ya?

Choke me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what you are and

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?

Don't let me get too deep...

What if God.......

I give a rats arse that I am in so much physical pain, that I can barely move no joke.., after the emergency here at me place, my silly joking Irish way, is bowed low this day by unbearable pain, and what sucks, and I dislike most of all, because of a esophageal disorder, I can't take pain med, I have to suffer it out till the flare up passes which could be days..my humour, it only lets ,me escape for a moment..and I regret the mamaeries song in the I like thread..since it got mo laughrs it was probably way out of line, wrought out of pain..sorry all, sometiems my humour gets absurd when I am like this, either that or macabre..
Well thats my vent, and now I say adieu for hard it too sit here long, ironically when you need friends most, you are alone..ah that's naked enough in the rain for me today, I never share when These flare up happen just suffer silently.. I guess its all this mushy open sharing s-h-i-t-e trust thing, for its far easier to share the horrible stuff that happened to me and distance myself,,that this in the moment pain stuff where there is no distance one can go..ah stop shut your gob Aeryn you ejjit.... slink away into my cave now..as if anyone wouldm give a rats arse, about that pathetic ramble. which I will reget when I am out of this pain fest.. Cest le vie..


Later mates

So sorry to hear,hope you get well soon.

Hugs from me Aeryn!!!

hugs from me also

Col John Sheppard

hugs from me too (but not too tight)

I give a rat's arse that my eldest brother wants to use the PC. Unfortunately I don't have the power to stop that inevitability.

I do give a rats arse that the I hate thread was revived, and why hate was brought back into this place, my personal feelings, tis all..I dislike it intensely. eh like, I had hope it would die with hate along with it..sorry boyos but I just do, since I can't say it in the I like thread, have notifications on, so there it was revived..
Eh like to feel a need to come here and say how much I wished it died..how very much..
I dislike it immensely..

For what it counts for, it's likely that the people posting there are using a different definition of "hate" than yours. Try not to take it like they necessarily mean what you'd mean if you said it. Subjectivity is a pain, but it's sadly inevitable with language...

As far as I'm concerned, the thread can be downright lighthearted.

Eh Like its just my place, and I cannot deal with the word so I came here to vent just got some stuff out of me, and can not go there its a matter of principle for me.. right now,and it hit me wrong tis all..no worries..it just the place i am in.
And this is my safe venting place, is was something inside of me, hidden behind the I hate thread as an excuse to vent tis all..and unable to say what was really bothering me..

Aye it does mean something different to me, I know this., to any victim of a hate crime it stays wiuth you for life, the word will always mean somethingn else to me... the word just reminds me thats all..and at tiems like this bothers me..
No offence to anyone there..thats why I am here..OK..

I intensely dislike subspaces and everything they stand for.

i could give a rats arse about Ori Staff weapons i prefer gouald ones

Col John Sheppard

1. I could give a FU*K less about kazillionaires not being "completely satisfied" about a home they were shown on that damn tv show chicks watch!!!! WHO THE HELL CARES about watching Bob and Sally the Neurosurgeons that make $9898989898 a day and buying a 5th summer home? How can you watch that! I'd rather stick my tongue in a fan! For Hell's sake, man!

2. I could give two sh*ts and a fu*k about kazillionaire Oprah Worthless giving $500 pairs of shoes at holiday time to rich audience women, when there are homeless people and poor people one block from her studio.

3. I could most defiantly care less about bloodlines, nationalities, etc. Look, I'm Irish and all....I could give a rat's ass. I'm me, a guy. I'm from New York, and look and act it. Okay? "Oh, I'm German. I'll get all Hitler on you", "Oh, I'm English, I'm a freakin %&$!", "I'm Itailian. Nobody can cook like us.". STFU. Just.....STFU with that. Same species. WTF.



I'm going to start a website called whatthefuc*.com.

^Yeah, i hate when people are like "I'm Irish" or "I'm German" because they are the descendents of someone that was.

I'm actually half Irish, because my mother was fully Irish, her grandparents came over in the 1840s with their young family, and 20 years later two of their boys fought in the civil war, one on each side. The one who fought for the union didn't make it home from the war. The one who fought for the confederacy used to take MY grandmother on his knee and tell her stories about it. My grandmother was the youngest of 9 kids and he was her uncle and lived with her parents until he passed away, her father was his much younger baby brother, and he did not fight in the war. She is about to celebrate her 100th birthday in November. Her husband, MY grandfather on my mother's side, was born here in the US but his own father only came over in 1900.

My dad's grandparents died when I was really little, and they never bothered to learn English, they just spoke German, their native tongue. But on my dad's mother's side it gets pretty muddy. My dad's mother was one of the youngest of 11 children. My favorite great-aunt, who never had children of her own and was like another grandmother to me, passed away when I was 15, I loved her soo much. All those girls had dark skin and hair because of their native American ancestry, and though I think were beautiful, it was not the fashion of the day to have dark skin and straight dark hair. My dad never knew his native american grandmother, but the blood flows true in his veins, and I think it's what has made him such a great farmer, his love for the land and animals, the depth of how "in tune" he is with its forces, his strong intuition and innate pragmatic outlook all attest to that.

He taught me to watch the sky, watch the stars, pay attention to birds and animals for clues to the weather, and little sensible things he said to me when I was a child, spoken with great earnestness: "reach for the stars, if you fall short, you've still got something", "everything you do in life comes back to you"...

It may seem cliche, but I believe our roots run strong; and I for one, honor my ancestors.


And since we all have a common one, I get the point that we are all brethren as well.

well said. I was born in the states,that makes me an American,but I honor my heritage as well.I love my country,but that doesn't always mean I love my government or its politics and some people have a hard time seeing that as two seperate things.

That's what I meant. I was talking about people born in the US who claim they're "Irish" because some of their ancestors were, or people claiming that they are African because their ancestors were.

Heh. That problem is quite alien to me

One set of grandparents were Scots, and Swedes, from Wisconsin. One set were English, from England, but lived in Canada. My father was adopted by the English ones. He was half Cree Indian, and the other, Scots. I was born in Canada. I was adopted, my blood parents Irish, and English. I have lived most of my life in the UK.

So...I couldnt give a rats arse about who all these people are, either.

But...do you know what? The gene pool does. And , whether I give a rat's arse , or not, it's working away, all of the time.