Okay guys i am in big trouble as you will figure out.

I have an exwife, we got married when we were 19 years old. loved each other to death and had no money. When you have no money it leads to arguments and eventually divorce.

So.........we grew up, had a few kids with our second husband/wife. And we have money now. We have dicscussed this for about 1 month and have both come to the conclusion we were dumb ass children, didnt know poo about the world and were just lusting after each other.

But, we have both realized we still love each other. And we have been " spending time " together. We both want each other back, but it isnt gonna happen anytime soon.......

What do you guys think..........Soulmates or just horny? I'll explain better later as i cant divulge to much information right now.

You have life in those children.
You are that life and you need to put them first.
There is time for your love.
But now you must be true to the life you created and be patient.
Be honest with your spouses.
Both of your families can be together if you try very hard and act according to truth.
Or you can wait until your children are say 14 15.
You need to put yourselves into your children's lives and see what could happen if things go very wrong.
search your hearts for any flaws in any plans you might have now and be very careful.

Forget her, focus on your family... You are just trying to get back to the old days that s it...

I'm terrorized when i hear the word "marriage" and i'm even more scared when i hear that people marry so young.

I know it's useless to talk about your past, but can't you both just be together without a freaking marriage? and why in the heck did you marry a second wife if you knew that you still love your first one? I know that i'm the one who's strange, but it seems just surreal to me

By the way, i think love comes before everything, so get back to your ex, but probably your kids (another surreal point... you were capable of making kids with a girl knowing you love another one) will be a bit annoyed of the situation, and it will be a VERY VERY unpleasant thing for your current wife.

Get back to her, but before you do that, please bash your head against a reinforced concrete wall, until it breaks. (the wall, not your head)

In fact it is not my place to say anything about this situation, because it is your life and you should do what you want, but there is something you should consider, the ripple effect, your actions will not only change your life, it will change many lives, your second wife, your kids, your fomer wife's husband, their kids, your friends neighbors and have to admit, you can not act irrisponsibly, many lives connected to your own, I mean you have kids and that is how you will be an example to them, act based on your emotions and leave your family behind? How will they see that? Will your children say "Yea dad did the right thing, he had to go for the true love even that means a shattered family and kids with problems..."

How will your former wife's husband react? They have a family too... Well the thing is if I was that guy I would hunt you down man think thrice before you act and never treat marriage as something insginificant and unimportant, you swore an oath to love and protect your wife so honor it, dont ruin it...

Ein...im not here by the way...forgot to log off, so as i had to come back to turn off the lights...

...it is not that uncommon a problem. It would seem that you are disatisfied with your present life, and i do mean life, not just the woman you happen to be married to at the mo. Or...i could be wrong.

Only thing i know is that where children are involved, they know when things arent right with their parents. They feel the unease that permeates the very air they breathe. People do advocate staying ' together' for the children. I dont buy it myself.

You have to decide, weigh things up, and decide whether what you will do, what ever it is, will cause the greatest harm for all involved, or the greatest good. Its a tough one.

I wish you well in what ever you decide. Take time to make this decision... 'cause this aint no save game.

I wish this was a rhetorical debate and we wouldnt have to talk over someone's desicion...

But it is not and whatever desicion he would make, this will change many lives of many people, either good or bad... To say the truth I am glad I am not the one making this desicion, like Chesto said, good luck mate, hope you dont regret your choice...

Only you know what is right, and as long as you follow your heart. It will all work out in the end. If your worried that it might be lust, and everything that falls with it. Then you need to take it slow. Of course you are going to still love her, she is the mother of your children, and basically the fisrt serious relationship, am I right? I will always love my ex-husband, because he is the first man I married, the father of my one and only child, and he is still and always will be crazy about me. I just know we are not soulmates, and I do believe in soulmates, or atleast someone who fits you like a glove.

I wish you all the best Ein., and we care about you here, and would hate to see you get hurt. Be true to your feelings, and don't rush into things.

well that whole situation involves a whole lot of unpleasant talks... it depends a bit on how old your kids are now id say... basicly go back to your ex if there is a way... but make sure you keep a good relation with your current wife so that you can look after your kids, preferably on a daily basis... had the same poo going with my parents and didnt see my father for fricking 4 yrs with my mom telling me lies and stuff... i bet it was kinda hard for him too (he lurked around our house just to get a glimpse at me for example) but imagine how hard it is for the kids... i never got related to my step father as a real one... and since i never had the chance to get close to my father until much later i basicly had no father...
so the decision is yours... either follow your heart and go your way or stay with your family and sacrifice your life for theirs... whatever you do dont think too long... a samurai has to be able to make his descision in between 7 breath or they will turn out to be wrong... well dont do that while your drunk of course lol...

and ya there are soulmates for sure but the question remains if the circumstances allow for a unity of them...

ask yourself: will the kids understand? how will it affect them? will my wife accept it? will i be able to coop with the loss of a soulmate in my present situation? will that affect my family life? will i really be happier if i turn back?
and give a poo bout neighbours lol thats not the us (well i hope so )... your family and you are all that counts

viel glück

most everyone has given you good information,only you really know the feelings of your heart.I believe in a soul mates. Love for some is a binding of everything that makes them who they are.It also contains acceptance.That you accept the other person for whom they are and that includes their faults( because we all have those),you don't try to change them,change comes from within and can never be forced upon someone.
You have children,and yes they need loving and caring parents,whether your married or not.I know from personal experience what its like,I lost both my parents at a very early age,and there isn't a day that goes by that I wish I still had them.Love them deeply and truely for they were part of your love for your ex-wife and they should never suffer for bad decisions or mistakes made on your part or hers.You've grown up thats easy to see,think with your head and your heart,not your sex organ.

ein...you haven't been around for a while. Hope everything is alright, mate. Thinking of you, and hope that things are sorting out. C.

Well, you have grown up, so there's no necessary lecture for your obvious rush into the relationship at 19, but you should still consider that you have a life with other people now. I believe everyone has soul mates, and to your new lovers, you might be theirs. Leaving them for each other might make you oh so happy, but you've promised your love to other people - would you just take that away?

Talk to both of your new significant others honestly and openly, and if they can't trust you for asking honest advice about what happened at 19, then take the chance with each other. Otherwise, you're stuck.

Ein...wish I could give you advice, but about all I can say is no matter what you decide, it'll effect you for the rest of your life. Wish you luck on this.
I got my luck...finally found my soulmate....just ask her, and she'll tell you....

Tugboat, if Im reading you right, im getting the idea that you think that people stop making erroneous emotional judgements once they are out of their teens. I know that that is not the case. And as has already been mentioned in this thread, someone is going to get hurt, no matter what decision is made finally. Ideally a decision will be made in such a way that causes the least heartache, but there will still be some pain for somebody. Probably everybody, when it comes to breaking up a marriage.
If ive read you wrong, tugboat, sorry...very early here...probably not quite awake yet.

We all seek companionship. It's a basic need of our species to want someone to share our life with and to be a psrt of us. Too many people rush headlong into relationships only to find later on that they've made bad decisions. I'm 24 and have no intention of settleing down at this time. I date and have people who are very close to me and with whom I share all my inner most thoughts,but I want a lifetime of one person,for me its not an option but a commitment of all that I am. Aceeptance is the key, and theres no such thing as an equal partnership,its always a matter of giving and receiving,being right,and admitting when your wrong!

I fell in love at 19 and and at 45 still going strong with my husband. There have been rocky times but I guess I was smart enough to realize that I choose my reality and instead of making do, I've made it my priority to work on having a strong healthy marriage that makes us both feel happy and content. I think most people don't understand how relationships work, maybe through no fought of their own, but the bottom line is you can choose to be happy or unhappy, but choosing to be happy requires honesty, communication and commitment to finding solutions when life throws you curve balls. I do believe in soul mates, except I think there are many potential soul mates to choose from, and once you make the choice to be married, you should take responsibility for that choice.

Very happy I am for you. Anything worth having is worth working on to keep. I wish you many more years of marital bliss!

Dont worry folks, i didnt doink her screw her or even let her give me the old BJ.....even though she wanted too. I love my wife, not my ex wife and am totally happy with everything in my life today.

I asked the question because she asked me. And persay i dropped it here to forget about it. i came back a month later. To tell you this one thing..............Dont ever get married until you know what YOU want to do.

Plus my exwife is a flippin Nutty crazyhorse i wouldn't even wish on george bush.......and if any of you know how i feel about ol lil bush......................

Well, einhander888. So, this has just been a bit of a laugh for you, then. Just a bit more of your party, party, party lifestyle for us to share, and take delight in.

Guess what , mate? Some of us took time out from our own, rather more pressing concerns, to try to alleviate yours. Some of us were a little concerned that, soon after you posted to this thread of yours, last, you just disappeared. And that , considering the premise of this thread, and how important it seemed to be to you to get some honest answers, your disappearing like that might just suggest that you were having difficulty. And that you might appreciate some support.

But you didnt, did you party boy? So... the rest of us were just mugs to fall for this , really, werent we?
No. Actually, no. We were guilty , only, of being people who have some sensitivity to the plight of another.

You are the mug. You are the mug with his head so far us his arse that he cant see that if one posts something like this , and in the way that you did, with seeming sincerity, that you had better be just that sincere.

So...party on dude. But you had better not plan on catching fire real soon. Because I , for one, would not piss on you to put out the flames.

Its a funny thing when your in the army. People get married young because they fear that they will die alone on the battlefield. I cant say anything here because I am still searching for my one and only. Its actually kinda depressing seeing everyone getting married around you and wondering when will I find true happiness?

It will happen when and if its meant to be!

And sometimes it takes nine looong years to happen.

then it was meant to be, fools rush in, where wisemen fear to tread!

I am obviously too young to have any experience in this..but I guess I'll post anyway. I don't believe in any benevolent higher power (I used to be a christian, and now i'm a deist), and it stands to reason that if i don't believe in some all-powerful force watching over us that I wouldn't believe in soul mates. I don't see why it matters if you're someone's "soul mate" though..I mean if you love someone, who cares if you were predestined to do that? I would much rather think that I loved someone out of my own personal free will..

those are just my thoughts..

term soul mate means many different things. These are souls that you have experienced with in past, parallel or future lifetimes. They can also be aspects of your soul experiencing at this time in another body. We are all multidimensional beings, your soul having experiences, in many realities, at the same time. As we all evolve from the same source of consciousness creation, we could say that we are all soul mates in a manner of speaking.

Soul mate is sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility. Soul mates can have various types of relationships, which do not always include romantic love. They can be close friends, co-workers, a teacher, anyone who influences your life one way or another. They play the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental, games of third dimension with you. They can affect relationships in a positive or negative way depending on the emotional issues of the people concerned.

Souls often come together to work out issues or play reverse roles than that which they are experiencing elsewhere.

Anyone who is in your biological family, or adopted family, or pseudo-family, is a soul mate to you.

You feel closer to certain souls, because you have attracted them into your life as they are on the same frequency as you or because you want to work out issues with them.

Back to the thread topic, "Do you believe, in love meant to be?"

Yes I do, as long as the person is genuine and not pretending to be something or someone they are not.

I agree with Dezi on that one. It would, more likely than not, prove foolish to run into a relationship as commitful as a marriage is meant to be..or any relationship, where such is concearned.
I can understand the want and need not to be alone, especially with so many around that have "found" that special someone...however, I think it is important to point out that most are probably not as happy as they might first seem. Every relationship has it kinks that need to be worked out, and indeed can cause much unhappiness in the relationship. Those who rush in, however,(IMO) often see what they want to see in their partners; which would be due in part to the wanting to be with someone so that they won't be alone. It is usually only after spending a greater deal of time with said partner that the person knows them better for who they are, which often seems discovered too late or after much distress.
I suppose though, that it all depends on what you find, and if you think that it is still worth working for.

Even though I don't like the thought of rushing into a relationship, I know that such relationships still have their benefits even if they don't work out. The lessons learned can prove quite invaluable in future relationships, and may even end up bettering a person through other means. Amongst many other things, I benefited most from the location that I moved to during the relationship, and the people that it had made possible for me to meet in choosing to come with him and in staying after the relationship had ended. Being able to successfully live on my own would not have been possible had I not moved to a like location. Nor would I have thought of living in a small town had I not moved with him...well, rather I would not have so soon for their is always the possibilites. Through this leads back to part of the original topic, soul mates. Which I choose to think of as (in short)two people who can share anything and everything with, love each other(though the type of love doesn't matter)unconditionally, and can always be themselves around. Take all three of those to the extreme and you will have a good idea of what I feel a soul mate is. This I have found, he's my best and most true friend. Meh, he goes through relationships faster than Missouri weather changes. >< *Ponders who his girlfriend might be next month*

Ahhh, also, I can not believe that two individuals were born to be together in love as being soul mates. Which somewhat contradicts my belief that everything happens for a reason.

I don't believe in soul mates, or love that was meant to be. I believe in choices, and the will to work at staying together, when sometimes it would just be so much easier to let it all fall apart, to philosophically shrug one's shoulders and say "It wasn't meant to be."

If "fate" does play a role in bringing two people together, it plays no part in keeping them together. Happily ever after takes work. I fell in love with the person I married almost immediately, but we aren't together sixteen years later because of destiny. My husband and I can take full credit for that- not fate.

I also can't believe in fate or predestination because in every other aspect of life, the notion is offensive to me. Is it fate that some people get cancer? Fate that places a child in an abusive household? What about the poor guy that works his ass off his entire life, and never gets ahead, while someone else, born with every advantage already in place, wins the lottery? Was that destiny?

" Out of all the different people in this world, I choose to walk through life with you" means a lot more to me than "We were meant to be".

Just my opinion.

It seems like a lot of people have the mindset of "We're obviously meant to be, so let's get married now!", and end up divorced a couple of years later. It just seems like the mindset of a relationship being meant to be is just a way to get out of work (e.g. "If we're meant to be, then we'll alwaysbe together, so why worry about working on our relationship?").

I thnk GW put it really well..

Soul mates not so much but true love yes.

If you believe in destiny you may believe that certain people are destined to be togethor.

However if you also believe that destiny can or cannot be changed and to what extent. Then what is a soul mate anyway.

I do believe that soul mates exsist, but those of whom may argee or disagree should remember what does it mean to be a soul mate and what does it mean to be in love if you have never been in love before.


Don't hate me cause i answer questions with questions but that'S my job and i LOVE it.



Now figure that out.

As for my personal take on soulmates and meant to be etc etc et. al.

When I hear true love, mr/mrs right etc, I spew my guts out. Not because I don't love, or am not loved myself, nor a romantic. That kind of love is pure emotion (yes love is an emotion...not what I mean). Emotion as in, love you today because today I 'feel' it. Tomorrow I don't 'feel' it so now I don't love you.

*barf*

But hey, whatever your take is on it, that take is true for you, so don't listen to a bitter grinch like myself, hehe.

For me love grows. I've never trusted the huge emotional.. I LOVE her feeling, because after a few months....

Like...really like....kinda love....love.....really love....married. And when I got married, I didn't mentally base our marriage on my 'love' feeling. I based it on a contract. "I do, till death due us part" Finish. End of Story. No ifs or buts. She is my wife till hell freezes over. "for better or worse" funny how lots of people forget about the second part of that phrase.

The other position I take is, love IS sacrifice. You give up yourself for the other (and the kiddies that may follow). I know, if she's not happy, there is no way in hell I'm going to be happy (and vice versa...kinda... ^^) If you think that is tough, then I don't think you're ready to be married (just my opinion)

I live in a place with HEAPS of eyecandy. hmmm, but I think of the trade off. 30 sec of pleasure with someone who doesn't care that I'm married (great start already) and a lifetime of DOH, not the best investment of 30 sec. (yes I'm a quick finisher, haha)

Well, that's my piece, probably did a scattergun approach to it and is totally confusing ^^.

Ive replied to this a couple of times and finally this maybe the last time


"I will sacrifice anything and everything for her...even my own life" Me

Of course I havent found "her" yet

Imo, Soul Mates are supposed to complete each other. Thus I really believe into this even though I'm not religious at all(which I think doesn't matter at this point).
I propably was quite lucky to find my soul mate already(and yes, we are married^^ Yay^^), one of my best friends however is one of those girls who falls in love with the wrong person all the time(in her case guys since she's straight). I think that finding the "one and only" can be destiny, but is no necessity(I'm 100% sure that in my case it was destiny) . So some ppl have to literly search for their love and it might take one's entire life to be successful...
I'm not sure if guys feel the same, but a woman's feelings can be extremely strong and most of the time confusing herself(If I think of the nonsense I sometimes did, oh my...)

I personally don't believe it.

Reasons being:

1. Most relationships go horribly wrong after about 3 months.
2. People tend to fall out of love faster than they fall in love (LOL)
3. Marraiges don't often go past 20 years (Tops)
4. Somebody may feel that they don't love the other anymore.

--

How many relationships have you seen last a complete lifetime?

The Story of my Grandparents,,

They are both in their first relationship, and have been married for over 50 years. My Grandad being 73, My Gran 71. They've been together for 55 years at least.


How many relationships do you know have been as solid as that? Hmm

My granparents-55 yrs
my parents-34 years
A marriage is what you make it.love outlasts problems and strife. If it's worth having, it's worth working at it to keep it!!!!

Well Said Dezdimona^^. I think so too!!!!

No offence to you G, but I dont know why this thread was ever resurrected. And Chesto posted that like...almost 3 mos ago. I am not sure Ein has been back for almost that long...though not becasue of that post.

And everyone can thing what they will about this topic. But I can tell you from experience...love ain't enough...you have to WORK at a relationship.